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If you follow me on Instagram, you’ll know that this week we’re talking about people pleasing. If this is something you struggle with, here are 3 self-love tips for people pleasers.
As someone who is definitely a people pleaser, I know firsthand how frustrating of a habit it can be. Saying yes to things you don’t actually want to do totally sucks. And so does overcommitting, filling your schedule way too full, and never having time for yourself.
Then your mental and emotional health takes a toll. And you totally feel down on yourself.
Yep, I’ve been there. I’m Holly and I’m a recovering people pleaser. As someone who has struggled with codependency, people pleasing is also a bear for me. Ugh.
Buuuut I totally found the key to doing less people pleasing!
Ready to hear it? Read on for 3 self-love tips for people pleasers.
First of all, the only thing that’s actually worse than saying yes to something you don’t want to do…is how you feel about yourself after you agree to something you don’t want to do.
Personally, I go right into shame after I’ve people pleased.
“I can’t believe I did it AGAIN!”
“I thought I was past this!”
“Ugh, what’s wrong with me?!”
Yes, hi. I’ve said these thing to myself so. many. times. And it really doesn’t feel good.
If you’ve done the same, then you know that it really doesn’t help you get on track with where you want to be.
In fact, shame tends to make you stay stuck right where you are.
So, instead of being hard on yourself- why not try loving yourself instead?
Show yourself some compassion.
Instead of, “why did I just say yes to that, I’m so stupid!” try thinking, “it’s ok if I don’t get it right every time. At least I’m aware that I just agreed to something I don’t really want to do. I’ll do better next time.”
Secondly, it’s time for MORE self-love.
We tend to get caught up in focusing on how to STOP being a people pleaser. But really what helps me is to focus more on loving myself.
Well, people pleasing happens when you get out of balance between loving yourself and loving others. Meaning, people pleasers are overly focused on loving others.
So, yes, it’s a pesky habit, but if you focus more on showing yourself as much love as you show others, it won’t seem like such a big issue.
For example, I used to frequently say “yes” to too many things at work. But when I spent more time with myself figuring out my schedule and how much time I could give to others, saying no became much easier!
Instead of focusing on STOPPING people pleasing, focus more on how you can love yourself in a bigger way. Then you’ll be balanced with yourself and with what you’re able to give to others.
Finally, it’s not entirely a bad thing that you’re a people pleaser. In fact, it’s a sign that you care about other people.
And to me, that’s a gift that deserves protecting! If everyone cared so much about other people, the world would be a better place.
Personally, I know that I enjoy making the people around me happy. And that’s a positive quality, but I need to protect that part of me from getting taken advantage of.
So, instead of seeing people pleasing as a bad habit to break, why not focus on the good parts of it and cultivate that?
The more you love and care for your own energy, the better you can help others.
To wrap things up, it’s so important to love yourself as a people pleaser. I know from experience that it can feel selfish. But really, no one will take care of you like you can take care of yourself. So, don’t hesitate to start showing yourself the same love that you show other people. You deserve it.
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