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Hey there! So, one of the ways I’ve gotten happier and healthier is by working on my personal issues. I know, I know. It’s literally zero fun to think about your baggage. But once you do, you’ll uncover what could be weighing you down so you can live the life you want. So today I want to share 5 signs your emotional baggage is holding you back.  

5 Signs Your Emotional Baggage is Holding You Back

As someone who suppressed my emotions for most of my life, I know exactly what it feels like to have emotional baggage. Honestly, I wasn’t even aware that I had issues that were weighing me down.

So, I put together a list of things I experienced first hand that were red flags that I had some baggage to work through. Here they are!

#1 You Keep Repeating the Same Situations or Relationships

One of the signs that you have some issues to address is that you keep experiencing the same things over and over again.

For instance, if you keep dating similar types of guys and can’t figure out why. I mean, it’s definitely impossible that EVERY guy on the planet is immature or a cheater or [insert generalization here].

For me, I dated guys that had a similar pattern: they showed a lot less interest in me than I showed in them. After a while I got so sick of it and wanted to change things.

Did I have deeper reasons that I was dating lukewarm dudes? Absolutely. And I had to address those reasons. But once I did, I was clear to start dating people who made me feel special.

And guess what? The very next guy I met, I happened to end up marrying.

Sometimes, it takes reflecting and introspection to see that you’re repeating the same situation or relationship. But once you see you’re on repeat, then you know that you have some underlying things to look at.  

#2 You Haven’t Slept Well for A Long Time

Another sign your emotional baggage is weighing you down is that you haven’t slept well for months or maybe years.

If this is something you’re experiencing, I’m so sorry. Insomnia is frustrating! I know this personally because it’s something I struggled with for about 10 years. And I share tips for how to work with your insomnia here. 

And if you want tips to work with the physical side of insomnia, I have an article about that here.

Yes, your emotions can block you from getting the deep sleep you need. And there’s a reason your brain is keeping you awake. At the base of sleeplessness, there are usually two parts of yourself that are in conflict with each other.

For example, if you’re working at a job you love but the company’s ethics don’t match with yours. This could put two of your values at war with each other: your need for survival (money) and your need to have moral integrity.  

So, if you find yourself having more rough nights than good nights, it might be time to look closer at your issues.

#3 You’re Aware of Past Trauma, But You Avoid Addressing It

Like I said in the beginning, dealing with your baggage isn’t the most fun thing to do. In fact, a lot of people avoid it. And while you might be aware of your past trauma, it’s not the same as actually working through it.

The death of a loved one, childhood issues and a long list of other things can affect us negatively. And if you never took the time to deal with it, the old emotions surrounding it can hold you back.  

To share a very personal example, my dad went to prison when I was 17 years old. While I knew it negatively affected me, I was afraid to address the issue on a deeper level. I pushed it away for a while, but eventually I knew I had to address all my pent up emotions about it.

If you’re looking for ways to process your emotions, I share 50 questions that will help you do that here.

So, if you’re aware of some past baggage you never worked through, what are you waiting for? You’ll be lighter and happier once you do.

#4 A Toxic Relationship Is Holding You Back

Do you ever feel like you’d be happier or freer if that certain someone wasn’t in your life? Yep, at times it feels like someone specific is stopping us from having what we want.

Toxic relationships can come in all kinds of forms. And they leave you with unwanted baggage that can weigh you down.

One of the things that really held me back was codependency with my parents. Ugh. So, once I became aware that this was a big piece of emotional baggage I was lugging around, I was able to work on it.

And yes, it’s taken me years to get through that one. You can read about how I worked through it here.

But ever since I have, my life has changed! And I’ve experienced tons of benefits, and the quality of my relationships with other people and myself has improved dramatically. And like it’s been said: the quality of our relationships determines the quality of our lives.

Whether you’ve just gotten out of a toxic relationship or need to leave one, make sure to look at the issues surrounding it.

#5 You Just Can’t Get What You Want

 

Sometimes it feels like no matter what you try, you can never get your life to be what you want. Perhaps you’ve moved cities, changed careers, tried dating new types of people and you STILL don’t have the life you want. So, what gives?

And I’ve been there. I moved to 4 different countries, 5 states and I still didn’t feel like I was on track to getting any happier in my life.

If you constantly feel like life just isn’t the way you want it to be, chances are that you’ve got issues that are blocking you.

For example, there was a point in my life where I felt completely lost. Nothing felt right and I was hopeless no matter what I tried. It was when I took a first look at my baggage that I started finding my own sense of joy.

I went to a self-actualization program with a couple of friends. We worked through a bunch of issues I never knew I had. And after that, I felt amazing. It put me on a positive trajectory of getting to know myself and letting go of my baggage. While it’s an ongoing project to work on myself, I’m currently feeling better than I ever have. 

If you find yourself never getting where you want to go, it might be time to look at your baggage.

Emotional baggage can really weigh you down. But once you work through it, you’ll feel so much better. What are some of your signals that you have an issue to work on? Tell me in the comments!