Let's start caring for your emotions!
Tune in and join me as I chat about how to understand and manage your emotions.
I'm an emotional health mentor, edu-preneur and coach who loves teaching you how to understand, manage and embrace your emotions.
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Hey friends and welcome to the very first episode of Time to Feel, a podcast to increase your emotional health. I’m your hostess Holly Soulié. And today we’re going to talk about how to stop hating your emotions.
But since it’s our very first episode, I want to tell you about who I am, what I do and why.
I am the owner of Holly Soulié Emotional Health, and I create emotional health resources for kind people so that you can embrace your emotions and reclaim your power.
I’m also the founder of the Feel and Heal Crew, a healing community where I train you on how to work through one emotional health topic each month. We talk about things like people pleasing, codependency, setting boundaries, and lots more.
My why, the reason why I do this is because, well, I want to. And it makes me happy.
But also because my whole life growing up, I suppressed my emotions. It was what everyone around me did, and so that’s all that I really knew how to do.
I honestly never thought about what I was feeling. Anytime I felt something, I would get very annoyed with myself and would push the feeling away, and just tried to go on my life the best I could.
But that stopped working for me when I was 17, because my dad went to prison for committing a white collar crime.
And my entire world came crumbling down around me.
My dad and I were like two peas in a pod. He was my rock, he was pretty much the world to me. We were highly codependent, but that’s a story for another time.
When my dad went to prison, my mom relied heavily on me for emotional support. So, I basically became the parent to my mom at that age. And since my siblings were all out of the house already, it was just the two of us.
On top of that, I was about to graduate high school and felt very alone with my dad gone. I was about to go out into the world, and I didn’t feel like I had any guidance or any idea about what to do with my life.
With all that, I broke down pretty hard. I stopped eating. Getting out of bed was a daily battle. And I felt like I had no purpose or support.
It was the darkest point of my life.
I didn’t have the skills to manage all the things I was feeling.
But somehow I managed to barely make it out of that period. But I was completely numb, suicidal and was weighed down by years of suppressed emotions.
Fast forward two years to when my friend called me up. He told me that his mom had just done some group therapy program and that he had never actually seen her happy before.
Then he invited me to try it out with him.
So we went with a group of friends to this weekend program for self-realization.
And at one point, the group facilitator had us address our own anger. They walked us through how to work through all these pent up emotions. And their method was to have us hit pillows or a chair or to yell. It was a safe space where they coached us through it all.
That was new for me. But I really went for it.
After that exercise, I felt so different. I felt alive again in a way that I hadn’t in years, if ever. And I felt so connected to myself.
And I was hooked. The only thing I wanted after that was to make that feeling last as long as possible, the feeling of being me. Of loving myself, of feeling so proud and radiant in my own skin.
Little by little, I started tuning into my emotions. If I was feeling sad, I would look at it and question myself about it.
I also read as much as I could about emotions, and how to feel good.
As I became quote on quote better friends with my emotions, it caused me to make a lot of significant changes in my life – changes for the better. Changes that made me happier.
One of them was leaving the religion I was brought up in, Mormonism. Because I realized it was making me so miserable. It just wasn’t for me. But leaving was like breathing for the first time. I could finally be myself.
I started living my life in a way that was in harmony with my inner life, with my instincts, my feelings, wherever my inner compass guided me, I would go.
Don’t get me wrong, it was hard. It’s still hard. Doing the thing that feels good to you isn’t always an easy path.
But here I am today, and I have become more or less at peace with all of my emotions. But it wasn’t always like that. And I still have moments where I get frustrated because I’m feeling something uncomfortable that I wish I wasn’t feeling.
But back in the day, I would straight up hate myself for having strong emotions. I would feel so much shame for being angry, or for being sad or disappointed.
And I know a lot of people resonate with this. Whenever I talk to my Instagram audience about it, there are always so many people who say that they also get annoyed with themselves when they feel any negative emotions.
And you know, the other day, I was doing some research for a blog post. And you know how Google will show you the most Googled similar searches for you? Well, one of the ones that came up for how to feel, was how to feel nothing.
So enough people are searching for how to completely erase their emotions.
It kind of broke my heart to see that. But I get it.
Here’s what I would tell you to do if you hate your emotions.
First of all, know that you’re not alone in this. Like I just mentioned, it’s sadly very common that people hate how they feel. So, allow yourself to be comforted by the fact that countless other people out there aren’t so different from you. Remember this the next time you’re beating up on yourself for feeling something uncomfortable. That you are not the only one, and you’re not alone.
Second, try to start noticing – in the moment – when you’re actually doing it. So, for example, when you’re feeling really down or lonely and you’re mad at yourself for feeling those ways, try to catch yourself doing it. And say, hmm, I’m really annoyed that I’m even feeling this way right now. And that’s it. You don’t have to do anything else, just start noticing in those moments when you’re frustrated about your own emotions. Because awareness can lead to change. But you have to be aware first. So just start noticing more and more as you go when you’re hating your emotions.
Then, third, once you’re getting better at noticing when those tough moments are happening, try to start saying nice things to yourself. So, for instance, you’re feeling super angry at yourself for being sad. When you notice that you’re feeling that inner anger or inner hatred toward yourself because of your emotions, say something kind to yourself, even if you don’t believe it yet. Something like, it’ll be ok, We’ve gotten through this before, we’ll do it again. Any nice thought that you can muster in those moments will go a long way. And it’s hard in the beginning to coach yourself through those moments. It’s still hard for me sometimes too. But when you can start saying kind things to yourself, you start building a bridge between your conscious mind, and your emotions. Little by little, your mind can become a safe space in those emotional moments.
So let’s recap on what to do if you hate your emotions:
One, know that you’re not alone, you aren’t the only one out there to hate your emotions. Please take comfort in that.
Two, start noticing in the moment when you’re hating your emotions.
Three, say nice things to yourself in those tough moments, even if you don’t believe them. Just keep doing it.
So, that’s it for us today. I hope you enjoyed it. We’ll be back with more episodes soon, so thank you for listening.
If you enjoyed today’s podcast, join the Feel and Heal Crew. It’s a monthly membership where I, Holly Soulié, provide you with resources and live trainings on how to improve your emotional health, with other kind and like-minded community members. It’s a private, safe space, and we’d love for you to join. Visit hollysoulie.com/membership for more info and to sign up today.