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I’ve always been a pretty big people pleaser. As you probably know, it’s a tough habit to break. But it’s possible! Here are 4 steps to grow out of people pleasing.
Hi, I’m Holly and I’m a recovering people pleaser.
There are times I catch myself trying to please the most random people. Like the cashier at the post office. Like whhhhhy?
But you know, it happens! I’m hardwired to people please.
People pleasing was reinforced over and over again in my psyche.
*Please others or else you won’t get your needs met.*
*Please others or you’ll be all alone.*
*Please others or you’ll be rejected.*
THAT’S what my subconscious tells me.
But that doesn’t mean I can’t learn new ways of doing things. I can, and so can you. Here are 4 steps to grow out of people pleasing.
First of all, when you people please, you’re overly concerned with meeting other people’s needs. And you know what happens? You either completely forget about your needs, or you put them last.
So, it’s important to start connecting with yourself more and putting yourself first. Start prioritizing what YOU need and focus on meeting those needs first.
Because guess what? When you genuinely love and care for yourself, that radiates out to the world. So really, putting yourself first is one of the kindest things you can do!
You can also spend time alone doing things you love! Remember that thing you used to do as a kid that you enjoyed? Like rollerblading? Pick that up again! Have fun and enjoy it.
Also, you can journal, take yourself out on a date or try something new.
There are plenty of ways to connect with yourself! It’s the first step to grow out of people pleasing.
Next, it’s time to look at what scares you the most about saying no.
Personally, I was never allowed to say no as a kid. I would get scolded or punished. Naturally, as an adult, that feels scary to me! So, I’ve had to spend time acknowledging those fears and processing my emotions.
If you want to know how to process your emotions, check this out.
So, spend time thinking about this. Perhaps talking to a therapist will help!
When you start processing your fears about saying no, it becomes even easier to say it.
Another part of growing out of people pleasing is to start speaking up for yourself.
Now, I know this can be scary. Honestly, it still scares me sometimes! So, it’s important to start small.
For instance, if someone pronounces your name incorrectly, tell them how it’s actually pronounced! Or, you can start speaking up in small ways that don’t require much risk. Like, telling your friend you didn’t actually enjoy the movie they keep raving about.
Little by little with practice, you’ll start feeling more comfortable speaking up. Then, when it comes time to standing up to yourself in situations where you’d normally people please, you’ll find you’ve started to grow past it!
Finally, I have a hard truth for you…
Even when you decide to stop people pleasing, you’ll most likely slip up and do it again.
I know, I know. It’s SO frustrating when it happens!
However, the very fact that you’re aware of it is a sign you’re growing! So, pat yourself on the back. That’s a big first step.
Now, forgive yourself for it. Do your best not to beat yourself up. It’s ok. You’ll get it next time, or the time after that! Just be gentle with yourself along the way.
If you struggle speaking kindly to yourself, this article can help.
As you keep recognizing your own patterns, you’ll soon learn how to choose something different and grow out of people pleasing.
Growing out of people pleasing takes practice. Trust me, I know from experience. I’m still working on it! Be gentle with yourself along the way.