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I'm an emotional health mentor, edu-preneur and coach who loves teaching you how to understand, manage and embrace your emotions.
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I used to think it was hard to be emotionally stable. But after years of learning to manage my emotions, I realized it’s easier than I thought! Read on to learn how to build emotional stability.
As someone who was raised in a codependent home, I learned to push away all of my emotions. Instead, I would focus on everyone else around me.
Well, after years of running and hiding from those difficult feelings, it eventually caught up to me. I had so many built up emotions that it was time to face them.
So, I started reading about how to process your feelings. I also went to group therapy, different healing retreats and generally got interested in my emotions.
Slowly, I started allowing myself to feel.
However, whenever I felt big emotions like anger or sadness, I got frustrated with myself and would fall a part.
Why did I feel like this? I shouldn’t feel bad emotions!
And I believed that feeling uncomfortable emotions made me unstable. However, that just isn’t true!
Over time, I’ve learned a lot about emotions and what it actually means to be stable. So, let me share everything I’ve learned about how to build emotional stability.
First of all, being emotionally stable actually means that you let yourself feel all of your emotions – even the uncomfortable ones.
As I said above, I used to judge myself for feeling negative emotions. And I truly thought that meant I was an unstable person for feeling them.
But in reality, feeling all of your emotions actually helps you be more stable in the long-run.
When you don’t let yourself feel anger, sadness, frustration, etc., you’re actually pushing those feelings away.
Over time, these emotions build up. And if you don’t let yourself feel them, they can come out in ways that you don’t want.
Like when you blow up at your friend for always interrupting you, rather than telling her early on that it bothers you.
Or when your mom has been crossing your boundaries for years. Eventually, you might explode in anger toward her and damage the relationship.
Remember, emotional stability doesn’t mean you only feel positive emotions. It means you feel all of it – the good, the bad, the ugly.
All of our emotions have a purpose, a message to tell you about why you’re feeling them. When you feel them, you start to understand why you feel a certain way.
Hello, inner wisdom!
At the end of the day, these emotions only last a short time. So, when you allow yourself to feel the full range of them, you’re actually more in control and more stable. And you also understand yourself better!
Another thing that’s helped me build emotional stability is being able to remember that the tough times always pass.
As many people can say, 2020 was an incredibly difficult year for my family. There were so many things that went wrong, and it seemed like I kept getting horrible news left and right.
And it lasted a long time, well into 2021 as well.
But one of the things that kept me going was remembering that it would all pass. All of the difficulties could only last for so long. It was temporary. That thought helped me keep hope.
So, I let myself feel it all as the year unfolded. And I also did my best to keep going despite the difficulties. I found stability in letting myself fall a part while maintaining my focus on building the things that matter to me.
Thankfully, I’m now on the other side of most of the hard stuff. And I’m so proud of myself for sticking it out and remembering it would pass.
So, when you keep in mind that the tough times will pass, it helps you keep your inner emotional stability.
Another part of building emotionally stability is to focus on the things that are going right for you.
This is something I learned from my dear therapist, Linda.
Every night, I like to write down 5 things that went well for me that day. No matter how stressful or difficult the day was, this exercise always helps me feel better – even if it’s just a little bit.
When I look back at 2020, I can say that my husband and I got so much closer and stronger in our relationship. And we also had a lot of great experiences too!
As we went through the hard stuff, we still kept building great memories together. Like when Nick (my husband) pretended to be an Italian chef and made me an amazing homemade pizza. He made me laugh until I cried as he threw the dough in the air. Not to mention that the pizza tasted amazing!
If things are tough for you right now, can you think of a few things that are actually going well for you?
When you focus on the things that are going right in your life, it helps you feel more relaxed. Then, you can keep going through the difficulties and build emotional stability through it all.
Next, don’t discount the positive things in your life.
When you believe that the good stuff in your life isn’t noteworthy, that it’s a fluke, or that you don’t merit the good, it can make you feel powerless in your life. And that you’re not enough.
That can quickly make you feel unstable, because you’re allowing the negatives to outweigh the good.
And did you know? Discounting the positives is actually a cognitive distortion. Which is a psychological term for errors in your thinking.
I used to discount and downplay my career skills. And my husband called me on it. He told me to remember that it wasn’t chance that made my skills and experience. It was all of my hard work!
Changing my perspective to a more positive outlook helped me take ownership over the good things in my life. I stopped being down in the dumps about my career.
Instead, I acknowledged how much I had done for myself. Everything I had done to get me to the point I was at. It reminded me of how strong I am, and helped me find my center.
So, are you the one paying the rent? Then pat yourself on the back for being a dedicated, reliable breadwinner! You’re the one putting a roof over your head. That’s huge!
Or, do you have a solid relationship in your life? Acknowledge yourself for nurturing a connection that matters to you.
Emotional stability is built by seeing that the good things in your life are there for a reason. YOU brought them there.
As you acknowledge the good in yourself, you’ll find your center and build stronger emotional stability.
Finally, taking it one day at a time has been a huge game changer in my emotional stability.
I used to get so overwhelmed in my work, thinking about all I had to do in the weeks, months and years ahead. Then, the day suddenly seemed less manageable. I didn’t feel like I had the strength to take it all on.
But when I focus on just winning today, on taking it one day at a time, suddenly things feel lighter and more doable. Honestly, it can change the course of my entire day when I focus only on the tasks at hand.
Also, I’ve gotten a lot more productive as I take it one day at a time.
So, if you’re looking to build more emotional stability, remember to take it just one day at a time.
Finding your inner stability is actually much easier than you might think. When you allow yourself to feel everything, let the tough times pass, focus on the good and take it one day at a time, you’ll find your center.